2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
