I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
