i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
there is puke in my bra ... again
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
