i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
