HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
