I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
