My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
Randomize
