this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
