Ambien. No doubt about it.
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Randomize
