my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
