I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
