watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Randomize
