youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
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So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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