She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
