I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
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