1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Randomize
