you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
