I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
