Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
