shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
He passed out mid-signature
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Randomize
