All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
