how can u be prego again
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
