I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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