he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
Even the bartender felt bad for me
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Randomize
