I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Randomize
