i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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