The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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