uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
