I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
