I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
Randomize
