I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
