If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
