Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize