I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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