the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
Randomize
