We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
