Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
