After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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