Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
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