Your tits are I can't wait for
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Randomize
