okay pat passed out under dana's car
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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