i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Randomize
