You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
