We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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