she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
