I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Randomize
