mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
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