Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
