i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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