i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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