sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
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You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
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You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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