I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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