She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
So gin and wine won't be happening again
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
