Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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