there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
Randomize
