he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
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