Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
