i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
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