she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
