you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
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