Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Randomize
