I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
she smelled like a LAN party
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
These tits shall not be calmed
Randomize
