Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
